Among his observations were that men need "fewer pairs of shoes and purses", and they live 10 years less on average: "They truly are the weaker sex".
We may very well be entering an era of tightening, but that does not mean it will necessary be a brutal bear market, especially with the demographically-driven demand for bonds.
It seems the so-called bond king has time to spare in his new role: Janus Henderson's Bill Gross has appeared to join the #MeToo debate - by drawing a freaky comparison between bonds and men.
Some of the biggest names in bonds are making a bold proclamation that all investors need to hear-that the 30-year bond bull market is over.
"The diminution of QE check writing and a 5 percent nominal GDP should be enough to produce higher 10-year Treasury yields, near 0 percent total returns, and the legitimate characterization of the beginning of a mild bear market", Gross wrote. Later this year, perhaps in September, net central bank purchases of sovereign and corporate notes and bonds may stop, or at least falter far below the $1-2 trillion pace of recent years. The market's central bank buyers of last resort have perhaps accomplished "whatever it takes", and are set to allow artificially low yields, and artificially high bond prices to become a little less artificial.
Former Pimco chief Gross went on to point out that "bonds, like men, are in a bear market" - although the good news for both bonds and men is that "annual returns should still likely be positive, although marginally so". All of that would overvalue 10-year Treasuries at 2.5 percent. This is not to say that there will be any more than 2 Fed hikes this year or that the European Central Bank, the BOE and certainly the BOJ will raise short rates anytime soon. Feel sorry for 'em ladies, not angry.
"Men shouldn't be criticised for not putting the toilet seat down", began his third point.
Before readers reach Gross's analysis of the bond markets, though, they first need to plow through his view of men. If women do too, they can use their foot just like everyone else.
USA television celebrity Oprah Winfrey brought the Golden Globes film awards crowd to its feet with a powerful speech during Sunday's ceremony, calling out sexual harassers around the world: "Their time has come".
Number five? "Sure men start wars but great things actually are a result of them. Canned foods owe their origin to Napoleon, microwave ovens to the invention of radar during WWII".
"Oprah shouted, 'Their time has come.' The bear bond market's time has come as well". Way to go guys. Right next to them. "Many would say, including yours truly - It's about time'".